Write

Maybe it’s not worth it.

Trying so hard.

And for what?

To fail again.

To not live up to their expectations.

Their standards.

It’s easy to stop.

Just stop.

Venting seems to be a good way to just . . . relax.  Get it out in the open.  Let it breathe.  Let it move around somewhere other than your inner self.

But who can one vent to?  A friend?  A family member?  A colleague?  A therapist?

But what if that friend isn’t a friend, but someone you always ended up hating?  What if that family member won’t understand?  They always expect you to be jolly and try your hardest in spite of adversity or struggle.  What if your colleagues are judgmental?

And who has money for a therapist?

Certainly not you.

Certainly not me.

That’s why I write. Good way to vent.  To what?  Good way to vent to a computer screen.  Good way to vent to the keyboard.  Hear that clackity-clack.  Sounds like punches.  Sounds like hurtful words cutting through those you despise, those you can’t stand.  Things you can’t stand.  Hit a letter—bang.  Hit the spacebar—wam.  Hit the ENTER key—BOOM!

Done.

But you’re not satisfied yet.

You want more out of it.

So you sit up straighter.  You plant your feet in the ground.  You narrow your eyes and take deep breaths. Rather shorter breaths.  Because you’re angry.

Right?

Or upset.

Or a dangerous combination of the two.

But who cares?  You’re never angry.

Or upset.

Or a dangerous combination of the two.

So live a little.

So you plant your feet.  Grind your teeth.  You harden your grimace and fingers are flying away.

And you don’t know what you’re writing, but you just write.

Because you love it.

You love the thrill of your thoughts spilling from your brain and jumping from your fingers and into the keyboard, and into the computer to be seen before your face.  You don’t care about errors, those green and red squiggly lines judging you.  You don’t give a shit.

Why?

Because you’re angry and upset.

No, because you love to write.  Fast.  And quick.

And then, maybe, later you’ll  check it over and shout a little.  Laugh a little even.

Cry a little.

Those words.  They evoke emotion.  They pull something out of you.  A little anger.  A little glee.  A little sorrow.

And sometimes you just have to stop.  Take a break.  A BREAK! A temporary break and just breathe.

Breathe.

Go ahead.

Breathe.

It’s a really nice sound.

Comforting.

Real.

Human.

That’s the thing.

We’re human.

It’s okay to feel angry.

Or upset.

Or angry and upset.

Or sad.

Or angry and upset and sad.

It’s okay!

IT’S OKAY!

So be angry and upset and sad.

But temporarily.

Once in a while.

Helps balance out the crazy humanness we just have to have.

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