The End is Near and It’s Okay

Having gave up in the daunting process of trying to find a summer job, I was somehow fortunate enough to start honing my skills with working with kids when my godfather swooped in, saving the day, and asked if I could babysit my three-year-old godbrother.  He’s a smart, simple kid, finding joy in crashing his toy cars and watching videos about toy trains on YouTube.  I was simultaneously envious and fascinated, watching him run around with an adorable smile on his face, and that’s when it sunk in — I am halfway done with my college career.

I want to rewind time (doesn’t everyone?) and be a kid again.  To not have worries and focus only on having fun and choosing what doll to bring with me to the park would be lovely and, to be honest, a godsend.

Almost four weeks of being home was somehow enough for me to realize that I am halfway done with The College Struggle.  I felt oddly nostalgic coming home to catch two hours of sleep before getting ready for my older brother’s college graduation ceremony.  Sitting in Madison Square Garden, hearing his name being called, caused me to feel itchy and old — such an odd combination.  But it put things into focus.  I was getting older and closer my inevitable encounter with my ominous loans.

Welcome to Adulthood, Reggianie.  There’s no Adulthood for Dummies manual.  May the odds be ever in your favor.  Sincerely, The Universe

This worry and fear of the future and of potential failure is seemingly everlasting.  I don’t think there was a time when I actually thought, “Everything will be okay” before babysitting my godbrother.  The simplicity of his life was invigorating.  I thought, maybe everything will be okay.  I remember reading somewhere, “Will the little things matter a year from now?”  My usually pessimistic self replied, “Uh, yes!”  And then I thought, maybe that was rhetorical.  The little things are just that — the little things and there’s no reason to fret over them.  Once in a while, I can worry about what to wear for the day rather than worry about my looming loans every few minutes, chanting everything will be okay.


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